As Havering marks National Adoption Week, from 3 to 9 November, a Havering adoptive father, Jack*, has spoken out about adopting three children from the same family.
The theme of this year’s national event is to encourage more people to consider adopting siblings, as families willing to adopt more than one child are among the hardest to find, and therefore this leads to many brothers and sisters being split up.
Keeping siblings together can help children feel more secure when they are adopted and even help them settle into their new home more quickly.
Jack, 44, and his wife Andrea*, who live in the borough, have adopted sisters aged two and three, and their baby brother.
Jack, who works in finance, said:
“We were open to adopting more than one child as we didn’t want to narrow it down too much, and I’d grown up with siblings so we thought it would be nice for them to have each other to play with.
“I’m surprised people aren’t as willing to take on siblings, it wasn’t an issue for us. But they may worry they’ll be more effort, and more than one child does take more effort, but’s it’s also a lot more rewarding.”
The couple decided to adopt after they struggled to conceive and IVF treatment was unsuccessful - they found adoption a natural progression.
Jack added:
“It’s not second best; we got past any of those thoughts very quickly, they are our children. It was incredible bringing them home but it is a huge commitment and anyone considering it needs to be sure, there is a lot of information out there, do your research.
“We found it really helpful talking to people who had been there. And while the process does take time, it should do, you’re taking on a huge commitment.”
Andrea, 47, who gave up her job to be home with the children, added:
“Bringing your children home isn’t the end of the journey, it’s just the start. It was a realisation that we had new people in our house and their needs came first. It takes time to settle them in and you must build a bond with them, it won’t be immediate. You have to be resilient and not take things personally if you don’t bond straight away.”
The couple’s extended family have also been a great help, and Andrea has found huge support from fellow adopters, attending regular coffee mornings with other adoptive parents in the borough to share their stories and experiences.
Encouraging other parents to consider adoption, particularly sibling groups, Jack said:
“It’s a life-changing event, in the same way having a birth child is. Expect your life to change and invest time in it.
“And support is out there right until they turn 18, and we use it. If you do struggle, reach out for it.”
Havering Council runs regular adoption information events, the next is on Wednesday 19 November from 5.30pm at Havering Town Hall, Main Road, Romford. Anyone is welcome to attend.
Councillor Meg Davis, Cabinet Member for Children and Learning, said:
“National Adoption Week is a great time to hear the wonderful stories of local families who have used adoption to complete their families. Adoption is wonderful for a child who cannot live with their birth family for whatever reason.
“Of course there are challenges involved, as any parent of a child adopted or otherwise would tell you, but there are also huge rewards. I hope the national event this year will really raise awareness of the need to find more families willing to adopt siblings, as it is much better for children when they can be kept together.”
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